Hope is a Journey….

My Dearest Great Pretenders

My Dearest Great Pretenders…

I see you….

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Every day you get out of bed, take a deep breath, and face the chaos of the day ahead.

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You get your crew moving, you start up feeds, administer medications, dress and ready them for the world…

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You make phone call after phone call, organize supplies, fight with insurance companies, travel to and from appointment after appointment, chase after results and people who don’t do their jobs…

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You make sure school work is completed, you write emails and notes to teachers explaining challenges, you go to meetings at schools where the staff usually have no idea the types of battles you face.

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You fight just as hard to get a proper education for the ones you love as you fight to get the medical care your loved one needs.

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You are the master juggler of all things – finances, medical, educational, parental, spousal.  Perfection isn’t ‘expected’ – it is necessary.  You are the real-life Jenga Master.

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You go all day before you realize you haven’t had anything to eat or drink because you’ve been so focused on the tasks at hand…so you take whatever you can grab on your way out the door and you eat on the run….always.

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The world sees you, with your brave face smiling…sometimes a bit disheveled and a bit frazzled – but the world has no idea that you’ve just carried the weight of the world on your shoulders all day long…because you’re a great pretender, just like me.

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You are the one who holds it all together, so you feel like no one can see you fall apart.

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You are the one who helps everyone…so you can’t be the one needing help.

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You are the one who rushes in and saves the day, so no one is allowed to come and save you.

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You are the one who stands staunchly in the face of danger, so no one can see you flinch.

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You are the one who does it all, so no one can do anything for you.

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You are the one who always finds the silver lining, so you’re not allowed to sit in the shadows.

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You are the one who fixes everything, so you are not allowed to need fixing.

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You are David, and you’re not allowed to fear Goliath.

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But I’m here to tell you, I see you.

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I see you falling apart, needing help, needing saving, flinching, needing a hug in the shadows, needing fixing, secretly fearing Goliath.

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I see you, and I’m with you.

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I am a ‘Great Pretender’ too.

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I know how heavy the weight of the world feels.  I know what it’s like to wake up every day feeling overwhelmed by just the thought of having to emerge from the cocoon of covers and face the new day ahead.

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I know what it feels like to literally have ‘nothing left’ and know I have to give my ‘nothing left’ and more – because it’s necessary.

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I know what it’s like to be so busy fighting for the things that are SO important (like supplies, prior auths, test results, schedules, meetings, deliveries, medication adjustments) and realize that I haven’t eaten or had anything to drink all day (and the sun is just about to go down).

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I know that bone tired, soul weary feeling that consumes you and beats you down as you frantically fight back with every last ounce of grit you have…and then get up and doing it again – over and over – without giving up.

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I know that ‘brave face’ you put on for the world – not to ‘fool’ everyone one – but to convince yourself that you can do this…that you can keep fighting, that you can keep up, that you won’t quit.

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But you don’t need that ‘brave face’ to convince yourself that you can do this, that you can keep fighting, that you can keep up, and that you won’t quit…

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You need to stop pretending and let the world see your tears, your frustrations, your vulnerable heartache, your bone tired, soul weary moments…because, it’s in THOSE moments that the world SEES your strength, your courage, your grit, your grace, your tenacity – AND – it’s in THOSE moments that the world will carry you and remind you of how amazing, how strong, how beautiful, how courageous, how resourceful, how fierce you truly are.

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It’s in THOSE moments, when the pretending stops – that restoration, healing, and transformation not only CHANGE us, but CHANGE others.

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You see, when we become willing to stop pretending – the world sees us differently…

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…And we see the world differently.

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We become stronger by showing weakness.

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We become wiser by revealing the things we question.

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We become more courageous by talking about the things we fear.

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We become DAVID when we call out our Goliath.

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So, my dear friends – let’s decide to STOP PRETENDING.

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It’s okay to be afraid, it’s okay to be weary, it’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to have doubt, it’s okay to need a break, it’s okay to need support, it’s okay to crave normalcy.  It’s okay…it’s really okay to just BE who you are, feel what you feel, need what you need, and hurt when you hurt.

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There is a beautiful blessing that awaits you if you come out from behind that veil of silent suffering and free the things within you that you’ve caged for so long.

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Don’t worry…you won’t be alone – I’ll meet you there.

Meet you there

Love and Light,

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Stefani

 

 

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