Show Your Hope!

Just when you thought it was safe to breathe easy….you get the wind knocked out of you!

Aside from  a short hospitalization at the end of March (due to a GI bug), things had been going really well up until 2 days ago.  I had been enjoying relative stability and I even was able to ‘officially’ be discharged from the home nursing agency that I have had since January of 2011.  It was a good feeling to make progress.  I even began to get the house organized – a complete purging, and it felt awesome.  I guess I might have been a bit delusional thinking that ‘normalcy’ was within my reach – and what a sucker punch it was when reality ripped that thought from my grasp.

Monday morning I woke up feeling pretty crummy.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on it other than nausea, headache and spasms in my jaw, but I knew something was off.  I had an appointment with my primary care doctor to have stitches removed from my finger (I lacerated it the week prior and had to get 4 stitches), so I discussed it with her at that point.  She ordered lab work and I went on my merry way. The rest of the night was really rough.  I began to have burning and twitching as well as spasms all over my body,the nausea, headache and jaw spasms worsened.  I was unable to eat or drink, think clearly, and I could not sleep. Sasha was supposed to have an early morning appointment with the airway management clinic – but I canceled it (which I *never* do – but I was just in no shape to go anywhere).  I was up and said goodbye to the kids – and, as soon as Ralph returned, I told him we had to go to the hospital.  My heart rate was high, I was having palpitations and was disoriented.  I knew that it was not good.

Apparently by the time I got to MGH, I looked as rough as I felt because I have never been moved through triage, registration, 2 doctors waiting for me in the back, IV nurses dueling IV sticks, more than 15 vials of blood, a chest x ray, and a CT scan all done and admission decided within 2 hours – a room within 4 hours.  I found myself on Bigelow 9 – and the staff was ready and waiting for me (I think there were about 5 people in room).  They are definitely a well oiled machine here compared to other floors I’ve been on.

My lab tests were off and my lactic acid was elevated, which was no surprise to me as the muscles in my body were on fire.  They attempted to run 2 IV’s at once, but I just couldn’t tolerate it and then the 2nd IV blew, so I currently have only one (which was fine with me as it was quite evident that I am not very graceful navigating an IV in the left arm, right hand, heart monitor leads, and a pulse oximiter lead).

Ironically, my sister was just down the hall in another unit on the same floor and Chelsea (my sister by spirit!) was in the same wing down the hall but one floor up.  Talk about timing….

I had an EEG this morning.

There was no evidence of seizure activity (yay) but there was some ‘left to right variance’ – which can be normal or it can mean that there has been a structural change (not yay) – so I am going for a CT scan of the brain soon.  I am trying not to freak out, but given the intense headaches and thee change in how I’ve been feeling over the past month or two – it does worry me some.  😦

Beast was really on point as he was pretty much on top top of me through the worst of it (he is not typically the type of dog to ‘snuggle’ – so if he lays on top of you for more than a minute or two, he’s telling you something is wrong.

Ralph, of course was amazing – he stayed by my side the entire time and was so good to me (as usual).

My Dad came to the rescue (as usual) and picked up the kids from school and then he, my mom and aunt took care of them, got them their night meds and put them to bed.

I had several friends offer to help – yes, these people rock!

I had countless messages and posts offering prayers and support – yep, these people are totally fantastic.

While this unexpected and rapid onset crisis was a huge sucker punch that knocked the wind out of me – my friends and immediate family breathed the HOPE right back into me.  I can’t even begin to express how incredibly blessed I feel to have people like this in my life.

In any event, this gives me an opportunity to finish 2 posts that I had started but not finished (because I was busy catching up on ‘life’ and getting organized!)…so stay tuned….there’ll be another post likely tomorrow!!!!!!

Thank you again for all your prayers, love, support, and kindness.  I am truly blessed.

Love and Light,

Stefani