Hope is a Journey….

Sucker Punch

Just when you thought it was safe to breathe easy….you get the wind knocked out of you!

Aside from  a short hospitalization at the end of March (due to a GI bug), things had been going really well up until 2 days ago.  I had been enjoying relative stability and I even was able to ‘officially’ be discharged from the home nursing agency that I have had since January of 2011.  It was a good feeling to make progress.  I even began to get the house organized – a complete purging, and it felt awesome.  I guess I might have been a bit delusional thinking that ‘normalcy’ was within my reach – and what a sucker punch it was when reality ripped that thought from my grasp.

Monday morning I woke up feeling pretty crummy.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on it other than nausea, headache and spasms in my jaw, but I knew something was off.  I had an appointment with my primary care doctor to have stitches removed from my finger (I lacerated it the week prior and had to get 4 stitches), so I discussed it with her at that point.  She ordered lab work and I went on my merry way. The rest of the night was really rough.  I began to have burning and twitching as well as spasms all over my body,the nausea, headache and jaw spasms worsened.  I was unable to eat or drink, think clearly, and I could not sleep. Sasha was supposed to have an early morning appointment with the airway management clinic – but I canceled it (which I *never* do – but I was just in no shape to go anywhere).  I was up and said goodbye to the kids – and, as soon as Ralph returned, I told him we had to go to the hospital.  My heart rate was high, I was having palpitations and was disoriented.  I knew that it was not good.

Apparently by the time I got to MGH, I looked as rough as I felt because I have never been moved through triage, registration, 2 doctors waiting for me in the back, IV nurses dueling IV sticks, more than 15 vials of blood, a chest x ray, and a CT scan all done and admission decided within 2 hours – a room within 4 hours.  I found myself on Bigelow 9 – and the staff was ready and waiting for me (I think there were about 5 people in room).  They are definitely a well oiled machine here compared to other floors I’ve been on.

My lab tests were off and my lactic acid was elevated, which was no surprise to me as the muscles in my body were on fire.  They attempted to run 2 IV’s at once, but I just couldn’t tolerate it and then the 2nd IV blew, so I currently have only one (which was fine with me as it was quite evident that I am not very graceful navigating an IV in the left arm, right hand, heart monitor leads, and a pulse oximiter lead).

Ironically, my sister was just down the hall in another unit on the same floor and Chelsea (my sister by spirit!) was in the same wing down the hall but one floor up.  Talk about timing….

I had an EEG this morning.

There was no evidence of seizure activity (yay) but there was some ‘left to right variance’ – which can be normal or it can mean that there has been a structural change (not yay) – so I am going for a CT scan of the brain soon.  I am trying not to freak out, but given the intense headaches and thee change in how I’ve been feeling over the past month or two – it does worry me some.  😦

Beast was really on point as he was pretty much on top top of me through the worst of it (he is not typically the type of dog to ‘snuggle’ – so if he lays on top of you for more than a minute or two, he’s telling you something is wrong.

Ralph, of course was amazing – he stayed by my side the entire time and was so good to me (as usual).

My Dad came to the rescue (as usual) and picked up the kids from school and then he, my mom and aunt took care of them, got them their night meds and put them to bed.

I had several friends offer to help – yes, these people rock!

I had countless messages and posts offering prayers and support – yep, these people are totally fantastic.

While this unexpected and rapid onset crisis was a huge sucker punch that knocked the wind out of me – my friends and immediate family breathed the HOPE right back into me.  I can’t even begin to express how incredibly blessed I feel to have people like this in my life.

In any event, this gives me an opportunity to finish 2 posts that I had started but not finished (because I was busy catching up on ‘life’ and getting organized!)…so stay tuned….there’ll be another post likely tomorrow!!!!!!

Thank you again for all your prayers, love, support, and kindness.  I am truly blessed.

Love and Light,


Comments on: "Sucker Punch" (6)

  1. Tons of Hugs and Prayers coming your way Stef!

  2. Jean Shepherd said:

    Do you remember the story of the hare and the tortoise (or the rabbit and the turtle … or whatever version you grew up with!) where the adage of the story was “SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE”?

    Please, my dear friend, reflect upon the adage and apply it with reasonable caution to your lifestyle in the future. We love you! We want you to continue to shine with your rays of brightness and love!

    Please consider and adapt to the lifestyle of the turtle … and make it yours! I absolutely HATE reading that you are in a place with a “well oiled machine” operation BECAUSE such machines are reserved for those for whom life is tenuous. May I put a voice to so many of us (including those who are family closeness) when I say … “WE LOVE YOU. WE WANT YOU AROUND FOR YEARS TO COME. WE WANT YOU TO LIVE LIFE WITH SANITY AND WITH CONSIDERATION OF THE CONSEQUENCE OF PACING AND ENERGY CONSERVATION. WE WANT YOU TO SLOW DOWN”

    As a friendly reminder, may I refer you to the Mother Goose “This is the house that Jack built” and urge you to consider stopping at the first line!!! LOL

    Love you,


    • Jean,
      You are so correct in everything you say. Sometimes, it is SO hard to find that voice of reason because we’re too busy sucking the life out of every good moment we have – not thinking about the moments to come…..your reminder is well taken.
      Thank you!!!! 🙂

  3. Jean Shepherd said:

    Can’t resist the picture you have created for me of the vacuum that is running out of control sucking up everything in its path … until it unplugs itself.

    An out of control vacuum is potentially dangerous to itself and sucks until it has no more power and is unable to suck any more.

    PLEASE grab the handle of that vacuum with all the power you can muster … and control the monster. I assure you that the vacuum, under control, can continue to have suction and can suck when it needs to and rest when it has to … I’ve been vacuuming for many years now since I grqabbed the handle and directed its power after a scare in the place with the well-oiled machine!

    I’ve put a picture on your FB wall to remind you!!! KEEP looking at it until you have vacuum control figured out!

    Love you!

    Jean 🙂

  4. my thoughts and prayers are with you hope youre now a bit better , also love the picture!

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